Faith Therapy Condensed Book
CHAPTER 1: THE NEED FOR A SALVATION BASED THERAPY IN THE CHURCH
The numbers of dysfunctional and emotionally hurting people in our society
and churches are rapidly increasing.
Some churches seem to be in denial of these facts and have
even challenged the need for counseling within the church at all.
Many other churches have taken the approach that if
preaching, repentance and spiritual warfare are not enough, it is the
person’s fault because the person lacks faith or is not willing to be
helped. We, as pastors,
have to admit that many times we have given shallow and simplistic advice
for complex problems that we did not fully understand, with meager results.
The Growing Number of Hurting People in Our Society
The statistics of tragedy, dysfunction and emotional trauma within our society began to increase significantly around 1950 and reached epidemic proportions in the 1980’s. The trend has continued since that time. Currently, over one-half of our marriages are ending in divorce (Kreider, 2002, p. 18). One-half of those who are married are reported to have had at least one affair (Wright, 1996, p. 281). One-third of the women in America have been sexually abused and one-sixth have suffered incest (Martin, 1987, p. 147). Domestic violence occurs repeatedly in at least 25% of our homes (Paymar, 1993, p. ix) and at least once in two-thirds of marriages (Lindsey, McBride, Platt, 1996, p. 7). Approximately 20% of men abuse alcohol, 10% are dependent on it and 6% use illicit drugs (Grant, 1994, SAMHSA, 2001).
Even though most of us would like to believe that these statistics do not apply in our churches, studies have indicated that there is little difference concerning psychological and abuse problems within Christian churches in comparison to the United States' society as a whole. A national survey of pastors conducted by the Task Force on the Family for the National Association of Evangelicals in 1984 concluded by saying that the "problems of today's Christian families compared to those of non-Christian families are more similar than different" (Martin, 1987, p. 15). The Barna Research Group in Ventura, California reported that the number of persons divorced among evangelical Christians, especially Baptists and non-denominationals, exceeded those of agnostics and atheists, and of our society as a whole. (The Barna Report, October 1999). Six to seven percent of Christians are problem drinkers or alcoholics (Minirth, Meier, Fink, Byrd, and Hawkins, 1988, p. 19). Battered spouses and children seemed to be more prevalent inside than outside the church (Martin, 1987, p. 15, 21, 130). Sexual abuse was estimated to be at least as high in Christian as non-Christian homes (Martin, 1987, p. 148). In fact, both incest and physical abuse have been more highly associated with those holding religious values than those who do not (Hoorwitz, 1983 and Wetzel, Ross, 1983). Archibald Hart, in his book, The Sexual Man, reported that approximately 12% to 30% of ministers have had some inappropriate sexual contact while in the ministry (1994, p. 185).
We Have Been Burying Our Heads in the Sand
For many Christians the statistics that I have cited
concerning the problems within the church seem almost unbelievable.
This is because the modern church has a long history
of attempting to deny, hide, or refer rather than admit these problems and
effectively deal with them.
We have attempted superficial solutions by giving shallow advice and
commanding repentance.
Although most pastors have a good general understanding of Bible principles,
they lack a deeper understanding of how to address most of the more
difficult psychological, addiction, and abuse problems.
The survey of pastors cited above went on to say
that pastors as a whole lack sufficient training to meet these challenges
effectively (Martin, p. 15).
As an example, pastors in most fundamental churches have a
notoriously bad record of sending battered women back into abusive
relationships without help (Alsdurf, 1989, p. 20-24).
With the lack of comprehensive biblical answers, it
is not surprising that the most usual response of a pastor facing problems
like abuse or addictions is to refer them to an “expert” outside of the
church.
The Church Has “Admitted” it Does Not Have the Answers
In spite of the mixed results, the church of our day continues to refer its more difficult problems outside the church and, in doing so, to a large degree has abdicated the psychological battlefield to the secular community. In a world filled with more and more hurting people, we have chosen to “admit” that we do not have the answers to these more difficult problems. It is as if we have forgotten that part of Jesus’ commission was to “heal the brokenhearted and to set the captive free.” The mission of the church is not only to bring sinners to Christ, but also to assist those who have been saved to become completely whole and to be conformed to the image of Christ.
In addition, we have missed one of the greatest possibilities in our society to demonstrate that Jesus is indeed the answer for the world in which we live. What greater opportunity could we ask for than that hurting people come to us, looking for the answers to the problems in their lives? The Bible puts it this way:
When [men] are cast down, then thou shalt say, [There is] lifting up; and he shall save the humble person. (Job 22:29)
At the core of this controversy is a dilemma. We are caught between two alternatives. At one end is a shallow level of biblical counseling which attempts to apply basic biblical principles to difficult life-dominating problems. This is the reductionistic approach. The other alternative is to lean more to secular theories or at least to research methods in order to more adequately address these problems. At the very heart of this issue is the lack of solid biblical theory and deeper biblical answers for these intricate problems.
1 Co 3:19 For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He aketh the wise in their own craftiness. 20 And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain.
The opposite point of view agrees that God does reject man's wisdom and considers it vain or useless, but that does not necessarily mean He rejects knowledge, part of which, in reality, is God's knowledge or truth. Peter states that everything we need is available through "the knowledge of Him,”
2 Pe 1:3 According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that [pertain] unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue:
The Apostle Paul suggests that one of the ways we learn this “knowledge of Him” is through our observation of His creation:
Ro 1:20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, [even] his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
According to this point of view, Christian counseling should be
based as much as possible on the Bible, but God does not reject knowledge
discovered through research (the study of the things that were made).
In addition, spiritual revelation is clearly
supported by the Bible.
However, we must be careful to determine, in each circumstance, what
is really God's truth.
This can be a difficult challenge.
We Need a Therapy that is Based on the Biblical Process of Salvation by Faith
Ideally, if the Bible is God's most complete and reliable revelation, then it should provide the foundation for all that is done within the church. If God’s process of making people whole in the Bible is salvation by faith, then it should provide the basis for the counseling process in the church. I believe that if deeper biblical answers, based on the process of salvation by faith, were readily available for the tough psychological problems in the church, what has been called biblical or pastoral counseling and what has been called Christian counseling would become more congruent. In addition, I believe that if Christian counseling was primarily based on the process of salvation by faith, it would be more readily accepted into the church, and more churches would be willing to incorporate it within their church programs.
THE PRINCIPLES OF FAITH THERAPY
As I will develop in detail later in this book, the biblical process of salvation or wholeness is based on faith in God and His promises to meet our needs. We start out in life motivated totally by our own self-interests and getting our needs met. When we believe in Christ, we begin a process of learning to trust God to meet all our needs. Only as we believe that our needs have been, are, and shall always be met by God, are we set free from the bondage of trying to meet selfishly our basic needs for love, security, worth and significance. As our faith grows and we experience the love of God, our self-bias or selfishness is replaced by love for others. Finally, it is this love that replaces self-interest as the primary motivation of our lives. This is the ultimate sign of both spiritual and psychological wholeness.
What is Faith Therapy?
Faith Therapy is a biblically
derived and integrated method for psychological healing and spiritual growth
based on the process of salvation by faith.
Biblical models, principles
and methods are used to identify the root cause of a
problem, remove any hindrance to spiritual growth and develop the faith
necessary to overcome the problem.
The tenants of Faith Therapy were derived directly from the
Bible, as God provided greater insights over a period of years.
If we accept the fact that, as a minimum, sin is the
basis of at least all psychological problems that result from our free
choices, then what is the basis of sin?
It is based on our free choice to try to direct our
own lives in order to meet our needs without God.
Each of us is driven to meet our most fundamental
psychological needs of the self: for love, security, worth and significance.
Attempting to meet these needs of the self, in our
own strength, is called self-centeredness or selfishness, and it lies at the
core of our sin nature.
These needs provide the motivation for everything that we do or
attempt to do in the flesh.
The flesh wars against the Spirit for the control of the soul in
order to fulfill the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride
of life (1 John 2:16).
What I have just described constitutes what I call the “basic need model”
and it provides the psychological basis for Faith Therapy.
CHAPTER 3 : FAITH THERAPY IN THE CHURCH
The Bible is clear that counseling was to be an important part of Jesus' earthly ministry and anointing,
Isa 9:6 For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the
government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called
Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The
everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.
11:2 And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon
him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel
and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD;
Lu 4:18 The Spirit of the Lord [is] upon me, because he hath anointed me to
preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal
the brokenhearted, to preach
deliverance to the captives, and
recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them
that are bruised,19
To preach the acceptable year of the Lord.
Unfortunately, in most churches there are many people who have accepted
Christ, but just do not seem to be able to receive an emotional healing by
faith, overcome their past or acquire God's abundant life. They seem
to have invisible obstacles that they just cannot overcome. They are
stuck in the process of salvation; or at least, they need assistance in
knowing what to do to become whole. Since the Greek word for
salvation, sozo, also means to be
made completely whole, this should not be the case. Although not all
of these obstacles are psychological, the majority are, and in order to
carry out the mission that Christ has now passed on to His church, we are
going to have to learn how to deal effectively with these problems.
I see counseling as a specialized and specifically anointed ministry within these callings, filling the role of a shepherd who helps very sick sheep or of a spiritual "veterinarian." Ideally, counseling should be a fully integrated function of the leadership of each church, possibly through pastor-counselors or elders who specialize in counseling. In smaller churches, if elders or trained counselors are not available, this ministry may have to take the form of a pastor who has learned to counsel, or a lay counselor who helps with long-term problems through individual counseling or support groups.
What is the Problem?
Before attempting to understand this process of salvation by faith in more depth, we must first identify the problem to be solved. The biblical answer to this question is clear. The problem is sin or, as the Greek word hamartia so clearly says, “missing the mark.” The problem is that we are not whole: body, mind, emotions, will or spirit. The Bible tells us in Romans 3:23, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” The apostle Paul tells us in 1st Timothy 1:15, “This [is] a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.” In John 10:10b we are told directly by Jesus, “I am come that they might have life, and that they might have [it] more abundantly.” Consequently, it is clear that the problem is that we are all inadequate in some way, due to our choices, and that through the process of salvation, we are to be brought into a place of wholeness that results in the abundant life that God has given us.
The requirements to be saved are most clearly described in Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in eart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. The Bible tells us that our salvation is complete. When we accept Christ, we are born of the Spirit, our spirit is regenerated, we receive a new nature and are forgiven. Christ's spirit comes to dwell within us so that we can have fellowship with Him. Through salvation, in this lifetime, our soul becomes progressively more whole, as we yield to the Holy Spirit and renew our mind (which controls our emotions and will, and which, in turn, results in right actions). Complete healing is available for our bodies through faith, but our bodies will never finally "put off corruption" until they are renewed in the resurrection. Consequently, salvation includes complete wholeness in its fullest sense!
The Bible sees man as a creature controlled by sin
or, in counseling terms, dysfunction.
In the simplest terms, our sin nature is a selfish desire to
do things our way, direct our own life and meet our own needs.
When we begin the process of salvation, God's Spirit
takes up residence within us to motivate us to do right; and a battle
begins. The Bible tells
us that the Spirit wars against the flesh, which is controlled by
selfishness. This
battle is for the control of our soul—our mind, emotions and will—which, in
turn, controls our actions.
To be whole from the inside out, the sin nature within us must die.
How is this to be done?
First, we must realize that our sin nature has
already been defeated at the cross.
Romans Chapter 6 declares that our “old man” or sin nature
was crucified with Christ “that the body of sin might be destroyed, that
henceforth we should not serve sin.”
(verse 6)
Although this is an accomplished fact, we must reckon or count it as
accomplished—that is, believe and act like the power of sin has been broken.
We are now free to choose whether to sin or refrain
from sinning. (verse
11)
Ro 6:6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with [him], that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. 7 For he that is dead is freed from sin. 8 Now if we be dead with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him: 9 Knowing that Christ being raised from the dead dieth no more; death hath no more dominion over him. 10 For in that he died, he died unto sin once: but in that he liveth, he liveth unto God. 11 Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord. 12 Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. 13 Neither yield ye your members [as] instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members [as] instruments of righteousness unto God.
It is clear that although this victory over our sin nature has already been accomplished, the reality of this fact in our lives comes through faith. Our deliverance begins by believing that the overwhelming power of sin in our lives has been broken and that we are now free to choose whether we will yield ourselves to serve sin or the serve Spirit of Christ within us. (v. 12-16) Although Christ has provided everything that we need to be set free from sin, in our selfishness we can still choose to “serve sin.” Although the Spirit of God influences us to do right, somehow we must now defeat the selfishness within us in order to live a righteous life.
If I am $10,000 in debt and I am selling you my car,
how concerned do you think I will be that you
get a good deal? I will
probably be more concerned that I get the very highest price possible, even
if my car is not worth that much.
If I have a good job and plenty of money, there is a better
chance that I will not be so concerned about getting more for my car than it
is worth from you. The
difference is based on how needy I am, and, therefore, how much of a vested
interest I have. This
vested interest results in missing the mark of what I should be and what I
should do as a human being.
Therefore, this is what the Bible calls sin.
God's goal for us is real righteousness or wholeness in our actions, which reflect our mind, emotions, will and spirit. This requires overcoming this world system that is based on selfishness. The Bible tells us that the issues of life come out of the heart. (Proverbs 4:23) How then, are we to achieve this wholeness? The point is that we cannot do it. The more we try to meet our needs—including the need for wholeness—the more biased and selfish we become. In fact, the harder we try to be unselfish, so that we can be righteous, the more selfish we have become. This is because, in trying to be unselfish, we are still trying to meet our own need of the self to be worthwhile. Only through the process of salvation by faith can we overcome selfishness and achieve complete wholeness! The way to become righteous is through, and only through, faith. This is because the only way to be delivered from our selfish interests is to believe that all our needs are or will be met. The only way this can happen—past, present and future—is by faith in Jesus Christ. Since we do not know the future, we can never guarantee that we will be absolutely secure, worthwhile, significant and loved, unless we know and trust the One Who controls the future.
In the last chapter, I described how God uses the process of salvation by faith to make us whole. In this chapter, I will re-examine this process from a psychological perspective. Although it is the Holy Spirit who orchestrates the entire process, He, at times, enlists pastors and counselors to assist in helping His people progress or overcome roadblocks in this healing process.
We begin with the basic unfulfilled needs. These needs are part of our "self" or person. As stated before, these primary psychological needs are the need to be secure, loved, worthwhile and significant. When these needs are not met, the Christian, just like the non-Christian, is motivated to meet them. However, to the extent that we are submitted to the Spirit, we will attempt to meet these needs through biblical principles and God-oriented behavior. If we are successful, we will receive blessings and satisfaction that do effectively meet our needs, but which are still temporary in nature. This is where faith comes in. Can we trust that God will meet our needs for tomorrow or will we continue in the "rat race?" If we trust God to meet our needs, our reliance on Him will increase and our reliance on the flesh will decrease. To the extent that we, as Christians, rely on God and actually trust God to meet our needs, our faith will grow and continually increase. As our faith continues to grow, we will be filled with confidence that God loves us unconditionally.
We must remember that we are worthwhile in spite of our performance and what people think of us. If we evaluate ourselves from the perspective of God’s grace, we will be set free from the “rat race” of life. We will no longer be driven to have to perform, please others, or prove ourselves, since we will rely on God more and more for our direction and needs. When we exit the "rat race" of life to true freedom, we enter "the rest of God" described in Hebrews 4:8-11. Being set free has an interesting result. Since we no longer have to perform to please God in order to get our needs met, we can now choose to do what is right because we want to do the right thing, out of love and appreciation for what God has done for us. We no longer have a vested interest to do anything other than please God and do what is just and right in every case. We have now moved through the developmental phases described in II Peter 1:3-5 and are able to express love for others and God with no strings attached. This is true unconditional love! When we give unconditional love, we eventually receive unconditional love back, and our basic needs are really met. Because we are now more interested in meeting the needs of others, we experientially “die to ourselves.” In other words, we are no longer as concerned about our own needs. When we get our eyes off of ourselves and love others, this lead to real satisfaction. Our selfishness (attempts to meet the needs of the self) decreases and we experience greater and greater freedom from the concern to meet our own needs. We also experience increased love and desire to meet the needs of others. Eventually, our entire life is motivated by love and a desire to serve the One who set us free—God.
CHAPTER 6: THE PRINCIPLES OF FAITH
As we have already seen, faith is the very basis of
the salvation process, and the means for activating the spiritual power for
change. Each of
us progresses from “glory to glory” as we win the trials of faith in our
lives. (2 Corinthians 3:18)
At the very bottom of every solution is faith that God will meet our
needs and deliver us from our fears.
Faith is the “credit” limit on our Christian “credit card.”
We can only expect God to meet our needs to the
degree we are willing to trust Him.
Consequently, a clear understanding of the principles of
faith and the development of faith is essential.
In this chapter, I will present a brief explanation
of the biblical principles of faith and suggest an analogy of a courtroom
trial that I believe will make this sometimes-confusing subject clearly
understood.
The Bible suggests a powerful analogy concerning faith, which is
based on legal proceedings.
Our fight to develop and maintain faith in our lives is similar to
the struggle of a jury (our mind, emotions, will and spirit) to reach a
verdict. In this trial,
we have an advocate (defense lawyer—Jesus) and an accuser
(prosecutor—Satan).
1.
Faith is the inner conviction that something will happen or that it
has already occurred.
The Bible says that faith is the “substance of hope” and the
“evidence of things not seen.”
It is because of our faith that we believe that something is true.
It is the conviction of the reality of something
that has not been seen and is based on evidence similar to that presented in
a courtroom. Some types
of court evidence include a person’s testimony of what they have seen or
experienced, something written down or recorded, or physical exhibits.
The role of a lawyer is to convince the jury--our
will, mind, emotions and spirit-- about things that they have not seen.
Heb 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
2. Faith
begins when we hear the promises of the Word of God spoken to us.
In the verse below, the Greek that is translated as
hearing is rhema, the spoken Word.
It means, “that which is or has been uttered by the living
voice.” This is like
the giving of evidence in a courtroom.
First, we must learn to trust in God’s Word, the Bible.
As we read it, we begin to understand what God is
saying to us. When this
is quickened by the Holy Spirit, it becomes rhema to us.
Of course, God also speaks to us through spiritual
intuition, visions, prophecy and those in authority over us in the church.
The Word of God is the strongest evidence that
exists in the universe.
In our courtroom analogy, it is the law.
Whatever the God or King of the universe says, in
verbal or written form, is His law.
The Word of God is this law on which the case for faith must
be built.
In a court case, we must first find a law, and then prove
that the law applies to our case, or we do not have any legal basis for the
trial.
Ro 10:17 So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
3. But we are the ones who must decide to believe and to live by faith. We are the jury that must decide the verdict concerning our lives and each specific case. Our spirit is the foreman of the jury and our mind, emotions and will are the members of the jury that help decide the case. Although it is important that we believe it in our mind, emotions, and will, faith in these members is not sufficient to bring results. None of these, by themselves, is enough to bring supernatural results. Our spirit, the foreman of the jury, must be convinced. In order to acquire faith in our spirit, we must persevere in prayer until we know that we have the answer. Our job here is to gather and present evidence to the jury—the mind, emotions, will and spirit—until it is convinced.
5.
After we are convinced that we
know something is true in our spirit, we need to openly confess what we
believe. In the
courtroom analogy, this is declaring the verdict.
Once the jury is convinced, it will vote to convict
or acquit the case. At
this point, we have successfully “prayed through.”
Therefore, we should quit praying and start thanking
God for the answer that we know we will receive, in expectation of the
manifestation of the answer in the natural realm, until we finally see it.
In the courtroom analogy, this manifestation is the
carrying out of the sentence.
6.
We need to act according to the faith we have.
If we truly believe that we have something, we will
act accordingly; or we really do not have faith.
If the verdict has been declared, the judge will
give the sentence or penalty.
If we act according to our faith, our actions put a firm foundation
under this faith that will help us resist the storms that challenge our
faith. We need only enough faith to overcome our unbelief.
Conviction in a court of law only requires that
there must be a preponderance of evidence “beyond a reasonable doubt.”
7. Our faith will be tried until what we h;ave been believing for is finally manifested in the natural realm. A supernatural battle occurs between the time we have heart faith and when we see the manifestation of what we have believed for in the natural realm. This is the time of the appeal. It is Satan’s plan to try to get us to doubt our faith so that what we have believed for will never happen. Even after we know that we have the answer, if we lose faith that it will happen, it will never occur. The verdict in this case has been successfully appealed. We see an example of this delay between the time Daniel prayed and when he received the answer to his prayer. This is the time delay between the sentencing, and when the sentence is actually carried out. Even after the manifestation, Satan will challenge that it actually happened. This is the parole hearing.
CHAPTER 7
The Bible makes it clear that not only does God want
our faith to grow, but also He wants it to grow exceedingly.
Increasing our faith is especially important in our
lives, because our level of faith limits what we can receive from God.
It is the foundation of the entire process of
salvation. It leads to
our Christian maturity and it results in our ability to express
unconditional love, which is the very essence of God Himself.
2Th 1:3 We are bound to thank God always for you,
brethren, as it is meet, because that your faith groweth exceedingly, and
the charity (love) of every one of you all toward each other aboundeth;
1. Build a deep, trusting relationship with God.
2. Build faith in the infallibility of God’s Word.
3. Learn the principles of faith.
4. Learn to discern God’s voice from other voices,
thoughts, or suggestions from Satan.
5. Make ourselves available to hear and receive
additional
6. Gather evidence to support the faith that we wish
to have.
7. Do not allow negative thoughts, self-talk, or
evidence.
8. Confess what we believe is true.
9. Act first, according to our faith, expecting
the result.
10. Believe for smaller things first to have faith
for greater
things.
11. Join with others to strengthen our faith.
12. Stand in our faith against adverse circumstances
until we receive our answer.
CHAPTER 8
When assisting our clients to develop and increase their faith, it is helpful to have some means for assessing the level of faith each client possesses at a given time. This is not as simple as it sounds because each person may possess differing amounts of faith in their mind, emotions, will and spirit for any number of subjects or circumstances. This is clear when we realize that some healing evangelists have differing amounts faith for particular illnesses and some prophets have more faith to step out in prophecy than others do.
1. Faith analysis examines problems of faith according to the area of the heart affected. This method consists of asking critically worded questions to help the client identify which part of his heart lacks adequate evidence to have the required faith. Our will desires, our mind thinks, our emotins feel, and our spirit knows. When these areas are identified, it helps the counselor to know what kind of evidence will be useful to the client to bring his heart into full agreement, in order to strengthen his faith in that particular area. This assessment will help us understand why a client is “double minded.” Double-mindedness is one of the primary hindrances to the manifestation of faith. As I stated before, I believe that this term refers to a person who believes either in his spirit or soul, but not with all of his heart. I believe that the spirit and the soul are the two “minds” or areas of decision making referred to in James.
2. Faith Ladder Analysis.
CHAPTER 9
At the very center of our being, self or psyche are our
psychological needs for self-worth, significance, security and love.
Root problems, which underlie almost all
psychological problems, have a number of dimensions.
On one dimension is the unmet need.
Is it love, security, worth, or significance?
On the second dimension is strength of the unmet
need. This strength is
usually determined by our perception of our need and the degree it went
unfulfilled in childhood.
The third dimension is the reason for the deficit.
This reason can be due to neglect, active abuse,
attachment style, parenting, life experiences or other issues.
A series of past experiences that have gone
unresolved, like abandonment, can result in strong fears and a feeling of
low self-worth. Because
experience is one of the strongest factors in faith, these experiences
convince us that not only will we be abandoned again but that the results of
that abandonment will be catastrophic.
If we perceive the probable result to be catastrophic, we
will act in catastrophic ways.
Of course, all of us have some unmet needs in our lives, but usually
these are not strong enough to paralyze us with fear or drive us to
dysfunctional actions.
Our lack of faith also has a number of dimensions.
First, there is the primary member of the heart that
is filled with unbelief:
the will, mind emotions or spirit.
The problem is that we are unable to cope, due to a
lack of faith that God has and will meet this need.
The second is the level of hope that the problem
will be successfully resolved.
For example, we might have a deep need for love, which is primarily
affecting our emotions, and we do not feel that we will ever or could ever
become worthy of anyone else’s love.
It should be made clear that our emotions are based on what
we believe is true about a particular event in the past, present or future.
Consequently, our emotions are usually the first
tip-off that a significant problem exists.
This is especially clear if we allow our emotions to
affect our actions in a dysfunctional way.
1. The Layer Cake Method of Analysis:
Determining Which Basic Needs are Involved.
2. Identifying the Need and its
Strength from Defenses.
3. Determining the Cause of the
Need Deficit—Historical Analysis.
4. Faith Focus Analysis.
CHAPTER 10
An invalid evaluation of our self-worth is
the root problem, or at least a major contributing factor, in almost all
psychological disorders. Low
self-worth results in the development of facades, hypocrisy, bragging,
timidity, shyness, criticalness, large emotional swings or explosive anger.
It is the underlying cause in most conflict, bitterness, lack of
forgiveness, striving for supremacy, as well as some of the most devastating
emotional pain. At the other
extreme, thinking too highly of ourselves (which is usually an attempt to
cope with low self-worth), results in pride, arrogance, feelings of
entitlement and a lack of empathy toward others.
The issues of self-worth are so serious that Jesus, in the Sermon
on the Mount, compared verbally degrading another's worth to murder.
Mt 5:21 Ye have heard that
it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall
kill shall be in danger of the judgment:
22 But I say unto you,
That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger
of the judgment: and whosoever
shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but
whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
Unfortunately, the concepts of self-worth, self-esteem, significance and self-image have become very confused. Worth means “the quality that renders a thing desirable or of value.” Self-worth is our evaluation of our inherent value. As an example, a diamond ring has a certain inherent value even if it is broken or does not fit. A synonym might be "potential value." This should not be confused with the term self-esteem which means a good opinion or an overestimate of oneself, and significance which means having or expressing a meaning or fulfilling the intent or purpose of something. Finally, self-image is how we perceive ourselves, which may include our self-worth, significance and even how we think others evaluate us. (The Standard College Dictionary, Funk & Wagnalls, 1963)
How We Develop Worldly Self-worth
Our concept of our own worth begins
at a very early age. It starts
with our initial contact with our mothers and is significantly impacted by
how we are treated, what other’s say about us and how we view our
performance as we compare it with others.
If are told by others how wonderful we are and we feel loved and
secure, we will perceive ourselves as persons of value.
If we are ignored and told that we are “idiots,” we will accept
that evaluation as fact. As a
child, we have no other frame of reference.
To us, our parents are as god and their evaluations are, without
doubt, true. This is especially
the case during the concrete period of development (ages 7-11) when we
egocentrically believe that we control the events of our lives.
If we are mistreated, we believe that we must have done something
wrong. In our minds, we do not
even consider the possibility that we may have an abusive or prejudiced
parent, or that the problem resides in the other person.
Of course, children do not hesitate to demean their playmates in
the most degrading ways and certain children inevitably become the targets
of bullies, especially if they have some defect or handicap.
Each class has its popular clique and its outcasts.
If we are the last to be picked on a team or do not seem to have
many friends, evidence mounts that we are in some way inferior to others in
the class. As a general rule, the
more we feel inferior, the more withdrawn we will become and the fewer
friends we will have. It is a
well-known fact that the more anxious we are about failing, the poorer we
will perform. All this becomes a
self-fulfilling cycle where those who feel valued grow in confidence and
capability, and those who see themselves as worthless become more and more
inadequate to face the challenges of life.
Some of the worst emotional pain that we can experience comes from
seeing ourselves as worthless and inferior to others.
These feelings of worthlessness automatically lead to the development of a myriad of defenses and attempts to over-compensate through perfectionism, performance and people pleasing, in order to become worthwhile in the eyes of others. These are the beginning of the patterns of dysfunction, codependency or neurosis that can even lead to mental illness. The need for worth is at the core of our being and without it, we will do whatever it takes to avoid the excruciating pain of feeling worthless.
All of us, to some degree, believe in the world’s system of worth and have
variations of how we evaluate the worth of others and ourselves.
Some of us value position, possessions or money as trophies of our
accomplishments. Other people
value power, strength or beauty, and still others value moral character.
All of these relate to our performance or what we believe will
result in the approval of others.
The Bible warns us that we will be judged by the same measure that we judge
others. (Matthew 7:2)
It is interesting to note how true this seems to be.
Those that feel bad about themselves, usually value what they do
not have and criticize others for the very faults that they have.
As long as we believe the world’s system, we will be driven to
build our self-worth through performance, seeking the approval of others, or
trying to be good. This will place
us at the mercy of how we perform, how others view us and the circumstances
of our lives. In fact, the world’s
system of worth and the things we value in others can be summed up in some
fashion into a single formula:
Self-worth = performance + approval + morals.
Steps to Overcoming Low Self-worth
1.
We must be convinced that the world’s system for evaluating
self-worth is a lie. We are of value simply because God loves us, not
because we perform, are approved of by men or follow the law.
2.
We must be convinced that God’s evaluation of us is vastly
more important than man’s evaluation.
3.
We must establish a close, intimate relationship with God, in
order to trust His Word more than man’s word.
4.
We must completely accept and act on the fact that we are
worthwhile without regard to our successes or failures.
5.
We must quit striving to improve our self-worth through
6.
We must realize that all men are of great and equal value
7.
We must accept the unmerited favor (grace) that God has for
us, appreciate what He has done for us and accept ourselves as His special
children, who are of infinite value to Him.
8.
Out of gratitude for all that He has done for us, we should be
motivated by love to serve Him for the good of the Kingdom of God and love
others as we have been loved.
CHAPTER 11: FAITH AND SIGNIFICANCE
Even if we are now convinced that what
God says about us is the only reasonable evaluation of our worth, we must
still deal with the issue of significance.
Significance has to do with carrying out the meaning
that God placed in our lives when He created us.
Significance, as defined in the Standard College
Dictionary (Funk & Wagnalls, 1963) is that which is signified or intended to
be expressed; the meaning of the object.
It is the degree that the object meets its intended
use or potential. A
closely related issue is that of having a feeling that we are important in
some way. As an
example, a Rembrandt painting has certain value no matter where it is and
how it is used.
However, it is not very effective in improving the looks of a room when it
is hung upside down on a shattered wall of a rundown slum.
God is glorified when we reach our potential.
Sin is missing the mark of that potential.
If we never sinned, we would achieve absolute
significance for a human being, just as Jesus did.
How
We Develop Worldly Significance
Just as with the case of self-worth, we first
develop our concept of significance in our families of origin as we grow up.
From the first experiences we have as we play with
other children, we begin to determine who is fastest, smartest, or best at
any particular game.
Once we begin to attend school, it very soon becomes evident who gets the
best grades or who is the best at certain sports.
This is the beginning of a pecking order of who is
popular and who is not, and who is most likely to succeed in life.
Even at this early age, we have entered the “rat
race” of life. We are
in a battle or competition for who will win the game of “king of the hill.”
As we discovered in the previous chapter, this
information concerning our significance is also many times erroneously
applied to our evaluation of our worth or value.
The World’s System
From the world’s point of view—without God in the picture—each of us is in competition with all others to obtain the scarce resources of life in order to meet our needs. We want to feel that we are important or significant in life and that we count for something. The problem is that the world believes that each of us, as our own god, must determine our own destiny and then compete with others in order to achieve it. Of course, in the world’s system, only a few make it to the top, and those who do will soon be replaced by the generation that follows.
The world is filled with pride. Each of us wants to become somebody, be important, and do something significant in life. It should humble us to understand that almost nothing that we do or attempt to do will even be known two hundred years from now and that our entire solar system is totally insignificant in the universe. We are like ants thinking that we are so great because we can move a larger grain of sand than another ant. The Bible compares us to vapor that exists one moment and is gone. (James 4:14)
Steps for Overcoming Insignificance
1. True significance comes by fulfilling what
God has designed and called us to do. It is achieved by accepting our
identity in Christ and doing God’s will,
not ours. We must find our importance in the sight of God, not in the
sight of men.
2. We must be convinced that the world’s system
of competing with others (The “rat race”) to achieve significance is a lie.
3.
We must understand that we are not in competition with others,
but that we are to compete against ourselves in order to run our own race
and become all that God designed us to be.
4. It is God Who has chosen to give us life and the
talents we have. He is the one who gave us our mission on this earth,
He is the one who gave us the ability to get wealth, and He is the one Who
promoted us, so we cannot take credit for anything that we have done, for
what we possess, or for our success.
5. We must fight pride by being careful not to accept
credit for anything we do, since without Christ, we cannot do anything of
eternal value.
6. To God, all of our attempts to be righteous in our
own efforts are filthy
7. Through the process of salvation by faith, God
delivers us from our selfishness, forgives our sins, deals with our shame,
and brings us into a
8. Because of what Christ has done, we have become so
significant that we
Security is defined as, “The state of being secure; freedom from danger,
poverty, or apprehension.”
It is our desire to be safe and have an abundant
life.
Security is so fundamental for survival and the enjoyment of life that it is
one of our deepest needs.
Fear is our natural response to a threat to our
security.
Fear is “an agitated feeling aroused by awareness of actual or
threatening danger or trouble.”
It provides the energy to defend ourselves from a
threat.
Anxiety is a generalized fear due to a perceived or buried threat or
conflict.
(The Standard College Dictionary, Funk & Wagnalls, 1963)
Feelings of security are fundamental to our
happiness, and feelings of insecurity underlie almost all types of
dysfunction and emotional torment.
How We Develop Our Feelings of Security
All of us begin life with certain basic fears: a fear of falling, noise, and
maybe a fear of abandonment.
During the first six to seven years of our lives,
fears play a major role since children lack the means to judge or
independently interpret the dangers of the world around them.
Most overreactions in adult life and irrational
fears come from traumatic childhood experiences.
Fears are simply emotions that warn us when we may
be in danger and provide the motivation and energy to escape from that
danger.
They activate our body to be prepared to protect itself.
Our body undergoes a number of different changes as
it prepares for our defense.
The most noticeable changes include deeper
respiration, increased pulse rate, higher blood pressure, a movement of the
blood supply away from the stomach and intestines to the heart, muscles and
lungs.
Furthermore, all processes in the alimentary canal cease, the spleen
contracts and sends corpuscles to damage control stations, adrenaline is
excreted and sugar is freed from liver.
(Morris, 1996)
As a child, we are just about as secure as our parents are.
An infant’s emotional makeup begins with that of the
mother.
It has been suggested that fear and anxiety can even be felt by the
unborn child in the womb.
As we have learned in the case of self-worth and
significance, we learn about our world from our parents and accept their
views as reality.
An overprotective mother sends the message that the world is
a dangerous and scary place.
A secure mother transmits a feeling of security to
the child.
Of course, as the child grows, the experiences of life modify his or
her view of life.
Traumatic experiences can drastically alter views.
As an example, men returning from war or those who
have been traumatized by a great catastrophe may suffer from Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder for a lifetime.
Women who have been raped may suffer severe anxiety
or panic attacks years after the event.
Our overall outlook on life is set by these events
and, because of them; we might remain a pessimist or optimist throughout the
rest of our lives.
The World’s System
When we realize that we
live in a world filled with fearful possibilities, we naturally seek some
way to make it safe. If
we choose to rely on ourselves, we may work hard to cope with our fears,
learn karate, lift weights, install a security system, put bars on our
windows, wear a bulletproof vest or carry a gun.
Other ways of coping include amassing large amounts
of money, becoming powerful, or hiring somebody to protect us.
Some, like the Pharisees try to be good enough to
deserve God’s protection.
Whatever the method, we will work hard to make our world secure and
prosperous.
How we view life significantly affects our emotional makeup and the
intensity of our emotions, especially fear and anger.
In one of my domestic violence groups, one of the
men who attended described the world as “a sea of sharks that will devour
you if you show any sign of weakness.”
Because of this perception of the world, he was a very angry
person who tended to perceive almost everything that happened to him as a
serious threat. Because
of these perceptions, he had a significant problem with uncontrollable anger
and violence.
Steps for Overcoming Insecurity
1. We learn to be insecure based on what we learn in
our families of origin, what others tell us, and through the experiences of
life.
2. Fear is a natural response to perceptions of
threats to our well-being,
3.
Because we are limited, the more we rely on ourselves the more
we will be insecure.
4. Faith in God is the opposite of fear. We
must establish a close, intimate
5.
The more we concentrate on our problems and fears, the more
they grow in strength; and the more we focus on God, the more our faith in
Him grows to overcome our fears.
6.
Facing our fears is the most effective way to overcome them.
Facing them systematically a little at a time is a very effective method for
overcoming all types of insecurity.
7. God promises that, if we will put our trust in
Him, we will never be
8. Therefore, the answer for overcoming insecurity is
to abandon our own
9. Winning the victory over fear is key to achieving an abundant life filled with peace and happiness.
CHAPTER 13: FAITH AND LOVE
Love provides the quality of life that makes living worthwhile.
In the Bible, Christ summed up the total duty of man
as loving God and others.
The main quality of God Himself is love and Christians are to be
known by their love.
Our initial image of God is based on the love we receive from our parents.
Without love, we will grow up feeling worthless and
cynical about relationships.
Love hunger leads to codependency and addictions.
But what is love?
According to the dictionary it is, “A deep devotion or affection for another
person or persons. A
strong sexual passion for another person.
A very great interest or enjoyment of something.
The kindness and charitableness man should show
toward one another.”
(Funk & Wagnalls, 1963)
As an emotion, it motivates us to move toward a person and to have
another’s best interest in mind.
It is the feeling that is associated with bonding, attachment
and intimacy. The
opposite of love is hate which motivates us to move away from others or to
do them harm. When we
do not feel loved, we may have feelings of fear of abandonment, rage,
jealousy, despair, betrayal and loneliness.
Attachment
Integral to the concept of love is attachment.
However, the emotion of love is actually just part
of our attachment system that includes the biological components of
attachment such as sexual and non-sexual touch as well as the emotions of
love and the closeness of intimacy.
Attachment adds strength to close or intimate relationships.
However, it is possible to have an intimate
relationship with someone without being attached to them; and it is possible
to be attached to someone without being truly intimate with them.
Attachment is best understood in young children.
It is absolutely essential that a baby bond with its
mother through physical contact and have its physical and emotional needs
met during the first days of its life.
If it does not, Reaction Attachment Disorder (RAD) can occur.
Characteristics of the unbonded child include a lack
of empathy and emotional connectivity, extreme self-centeredness, distrust
for others, acting out in extremely destructive and vicious ways, and a lack
of regret for what they have done.
RAD can be the precursor to Oppositional Defiant Disorder and
Antisocial Personality Disorder.
If a child is separated from an attachment figure or the attachment figure
no longer meets its needs, experiments with children shown that the child
goes through three stages of detachment.
First, they protest through crying or acting out.
Second they go into despair where they withdraw,
refusing to eat or interact with others; and finally, they detach and will
even ignore the attachment figure when they are in need.
(Clinton and Sibcy, 2002, pp 17-18)
Four basic attachment styles have been identified through observing the
reactions of young children.
Although the child’s style can change due to new experiences and
psychological development, they usually provide the general framework for
relationships throughout the child’s life.
1.
The secure attachment style.
These children view themselves as worthy of love and
feel competent to obtain love when they need it.
They view others as reliable, accessible and willing
to respond to their needs.
They seek out an attachment figure when they feel insecure and will
act in ways that effectively meet their emotional needs.
2. The
avoidant attachment style.
These children view themselves as worthy of love and competent to
obtain it, but view others as either unwilling, unavailable or untrustworthy
of providing for their emotional needs.
They tend to withdraw into themselves, discount
their emotions and rely on themselves for nurturing.
Many times, they will value accomplishing things
over developing relationships.
3. The
ambivalent attachment style.
These children view themselves as unworthy of love or
incompetent to get the caregivers attention, but view the attachment figure
as capable of comfort and protection.
They tend to throw tantrums or act out in order to receive
nurturing but have difficulty receiving it when the caregiver attempts to
help them and, sometimes, become angry at the caregiver.
They tend to perform for others in order to please
them in the hope that if they do well enough their needs will be met.
4.
The disorganized attachment style.
These children view themselves as unworthy of love
or incompetent to obtain it; and they view others as unwilling, unavailable
or untrustworthy to give it.
Because they exhibit both negative viewpoints and because this style
is many times the result of abusive behavior, these children are confused in
their attachment attempts.
Sometimes they will even run to a stranger for safety.
This is because, at times, they have experienced the
attachment figure meeting their needs; and at other times, they have
experienced rejection or abuse from the same attachment figure.
They tend to be overly emotional and cycle between
wanting to be close and avoiding closeness.
(Clinton and Sibcy, pp 24-28)
A person’s overall attachment system operates
similar to a thermostat.
If the primary attachment figure becomes unavailable, refuses to
meet his needs or is unreliable, he will protest in an effort to correct the
perceived problem and to calm the anxiety that he feel.
On the other hand, he may feel smothered by too much
intervention or demands for closeness and take action to withdraw and get a
little space. With
insecure styles of attachment, an approach-avoidance dance can be initiated
which will eventually damage the relationship.
In some cases, when attachment wounds convince a
person that the attachment figure is not safe, detachment may occur.
Periods of protest and despair usually precede
actual detachment. One
of the most common signs of detachment is when the other person withdraws
from non-sexual touch.
Because everyone emotionally needs someone who is trustworthy,
always available and emotionally sensitive, God is the ultimate attachment
figure. This is because
God cannot lie, He is always available and, through the things that He
suffered here on earth for us, He is very sensitive to our emotions.
Because He does not change, He provides the ultimate
safe haven that each and everyone needs and the safe base from which to
venture out into the world.
(Clinton and Sibcy, 2002, Hart, 2003)
How We Learn to Love
1.
When a newborn child is born, he bonds to his primary caregiver.
The child feels love through the facial expressions,
the touch and the care he receives from his mother.
These experiences provide the foundation required to
express love later in his life.
These experiences also provide for the child’s perception of
his value or worth. A
child whose needs are met will feel worthy of another person’s love.
If the child’s needs are neglected he feels that he
must not be valuable enough to have his needs met and may begin the
development of low self-worth.
2.
As the child grows, from its experiences with his caregivers and
others, he develops a sense of security (or insecurity) in the world and of
the reliability of others to meet his needs.
During these early years the child also begins to
develop ego defenses, the foundation of trust or faith, and the child’s
initial perception of God.
He asks, “Can others (including God) be trusted and relied upon to
meet my needs or do I need to become self-sufficient, rely completely on
myself, and become my own god?
The more he determines that he must rely on himself, the more
insecure he will feel in this life, especially as he realize his limitations
to direct his own life and control the world around him.
He needs to believe that God is his protector and
that it is He that makes him secure in life.
3.
From these early experiences, the child determines if he is capable
of obtaining love.
It may be possible that the child feels he is valuable and that his
caregivers are reliable, but does not feel adequate in his attempts to ask
for or obtain love.
This is the area of significance and is usually based on our own or other’s
evaluation of our performance.
4.
From these experiences, we develop one of the four primary
attachment styles that have already been discussed.
These attachment styles will greatly affect how we
attempt to attach to others throughout our life.
If we believe that we are valuable, that others are
reliable and that we are capable of obtaining love from them, we will
develop a secure style.
If we believe that we are valuable but others are unreliable, we
will develop an avoidant style and rely only on ourselves.
If we do not feel worthwhile and see others as
reliable, we will develop an ambivalent style, trying to make ourselves more
acceptable to them. And
if we see ourselves as worthless and others as unreliable, we will develop a
disorganized attachment style and an emotionally confusing array of attempts
to meet our needs.
Intimacy
Intimacy or being intimate is “characterized by pronounced closeness of friendship, relationship or association.” (Funk & Wagnalls, 1963) In the Bible, Christ describes it as God’s highest goal for people and the deep desire of God. It is to be known as we are and to know others as they truly are. It has a lot to do with openly revealing ourselves to another person without reservation or defensiveness. It is the intimate in unity found in the Trintiy.
Jo 17:21
That they all may be one; as thou, Father, [art] in me, and I in thee, that
they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent
me. 22
And the glory which thou gavest me I have given
them; that they may be one, even as we are one: 23
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made
perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast
loved them, as thou hast loved me.
Intimate or close relationships are characterized by five types of love. Of course, differentg types of relationships may or may not include any or all of these types. As an example, friendships will not include romantic love and romance can exist without commitment. Because these types of love are more easily differentiated in the Greek language than in the English language, I will provide the equivalent Greek word also.
1.
Unconditional commitment or acceptance.
In the Greek this is agape love or the type of love
that is the main characteristic of God.
It is the commitment that cements and stabilizes a
relationship. It is
best defined in the Bible in 1 Corinthians chapter thirteen.
2.
Romantic attraction or desire.
The Greek the word is eros.
This is the romance that attracts one lover to
another. It is the
chase, the attraction that initializes and sustains a romantic relationship.
4.
Spiritual or intuitive love.
The Greek word is theleo.
This is the commonality of beliefs, having the same
goals and outlook on life, having the same desires and wants, and feeling
what the other feels.
When “one cries the other tastes salt.”
5.
Physical or sexual love.
In the Bible, the phrase “to know someone” is used, as when
Adam “knew” his wife and she conceived.”
(Genesis 4:1)
It is part of the attachment system that makes a couple one
flesh. It is the cement
of the marital relationship.
Steps for Developing Love
1. Love is an emotion that motivates us to draw close
to and have
2. Intimacy in close relationships consists of
commitment,
3. In order to develop the ability to love, we must
experience love
4.
Based on our perceptions of our experiences we develop either
secure or insecure attachment styles depending on whether we view ourselves
worthy and able to obtain love, and others as willing and reliable to give
love.
5.
Insecure attachment styles usually lead to selfish love
relationships and codependency.
6.
God is the ultimate secure attachment figure because He is
absolutely trustworthy, always available and sensitive to our emotional
needs.
7.
Insecure attachment styles can be overcome through the
experience of secure attachment with God and others.
8.
In addition to a secure attachment style, the development of
unconditional love requires faith to believe that all our needs are and will
be met, and an intimate experience of the love of God.
CHAPTER 14: OVERCOMING
LOW SELF-IMAGE
One of the ways to clearly understand how faith is used to resolve root
problems
The Model of Barak
As we search the scriptures for a biblical model for overcoming low self-image, we come to the story of Barak’s defeat of the Canaanites who were under the command of Sisera. The name Canaan means, “lowland” and it stands for low self-image. Their defeat by Barak is described in Judges Chapters 4 and 5.
1. We must realize that the problem of low self-image
is an
2. We must be willing to challenge our preconceived
ideas
3. The lies of self-image are defeated by drawing them out
and
4. We must accept that the lie has become part of us, offer
it
5. We must completely accept and act on the fact that we
are worthwhile without regard to our successes or failures, and treat all
men as they are—of great and equal value.
6. We must fight pride in our lives by being careful not to
7. We must accept the significance that God has
provided for us
8. Changing our self-image takes persistence and
perseverance until our new image in Christ becomes a revelation to our
spirit.
CHAPTER 15:
OVERCOMING PRIDE THROUGH FAITH
Pride is a self-defense mechanism to
compensate for feelings of inferiority or worthlessness.
In one ditch on the side of the road to health are
feelings of inferiority and on the other side is the ditch of pride.
King Nebuchadnezzar was the greatest of the
Babylonian kings. His
name means, “Nebo is the protector from misfortune.”
It is the job of our self to protect us and insure
that our needs are met.
Because pride extols the self over God and takes credit for what God
has done, God resists it and gives grace to the humble.
A humble person is one
that rightly evaluates himself and sees that God made him, has given him
what he has, has promoted him; and therefore, he is completely dependent on
God.
1. We must understand that pride is a self-defense
mechanism against
2. We must realize that pride is a statement to God
that we can handle
3. God sees pride as a very serious sin, because it
is the sin of rebellion which was authored by Satan when he led a third of
the angels to rebel against God.
4. Therefore, God actively resists proud people and
gives unmerited favor to those who humble themselves. Humility is not
putting ourselves down but an honest evaluation of ourselves from God’s
point of view.
5. Prideful people believe the lie
of the world that their worth is based on their performance, and they are
deluding themselves that who they are and what they do on this earth is of
great value without God. The Bible states that those who compare
themselves with others are not wise.
6. If we do not repent and humble
ourselves immediately, we will bring
7. Until we realize that our very
existence, everything we have, and even
8. We must repent, ask for
forgiveness, give all the glory to God, and
Selfish desire is the motivation we have to obtain or accomplish things to
meet our needs. It is
usually an issue of significance since we want what we want to make life
better for us. Lot’s
son, through incest with his younger daughter, was Ammon.
One authority suggests that this name might mean,
“desire.” (Smith’s
Bible Dictionary, 1999)
I suggest it stands for “selfish desires.”
The Bible warns us about selfish or evil desires:
Jas 1:13
When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be
tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;
14 but
each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and
enticed. 15 Then, after
desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown,
gives birth to death.
(NIV)
It is our selfish or evil desires that dominate our lives and lead us into a sinful lifestyle. Many clients do not recognize the influence of these desires as a pattern of failure, since they are readily justified in our society. The Bible gives us a model for dealing with evil or selfish desires in the story of Jepthah beginning in Judges Chapter 11.
1.
We must realize that our selfish desires keep us from inheriting the
abundant life in Christ.
2.
We must enlist our will and our spirit to fight against our selfish desires
when they attempt to take over our soul.
3.
We must be willing to pay the price and actually sacrifice whatever it takes
to win the victory.
4.
It is God who will give us the victory over our selfish desires.
5.
Our emotions of shame and neediness, which underlie our selfish desires,
must also be overcome.
6.
We can tell which desires must be eliminated by the consequences they bring
into our lives. Only the Spirit can bring us life.
7.
All desires that do not bring forth the life of God must be eliminated.
8.
We should be prepared to fight off selfish desires periodically throughout
our lifetime.
Strife and contention destroy many marriages and relationships. They usually result from envy and competition, which stem from our attempts to meet our needs for significance through the flesh. The Bible provides an answer for this all-too-common problem. We find our model for overcoming strife and contention in the story of Gideon. Midian, the tribe of people who are the ancestors of today’s Arabs, literally means, “strife.”
1.
We need to tear down our idols—the
things we depend on instead of God. It is our attempts to meet our own
needs that lead to strife.
2. Be absolutely convinced God will
meet every need.
3.
We need to enlist a small number of
dedicated, Christian people of courage to stand with us (a support group).
4.
Decide to take a stand, even when
others are fearful after a crisis.
5.
Declare what God says—that He will
meet all our needs and will give us peace.
6.
Change how we act (break the vessel
of the flesh). Use quiet, loving boundaries, not conflict.
7.
Live it! (Show our light) Use
love, kindness and assertiveness.
8.
Stand our ground. If we do
what is right without regard to what others do, God will give us peace.
9. We can use our past failures to
strengthen our resolve to never again give into the temptation to live in
strife.
Fear confronts all of us.
In Hinds Feet on High Places
(1986) Hannah Hurnard suggests that we are all “fearlings.”
Fear is the emotion of unbelief.
It is the opposite of faith.
Either we believe that God will protect us and take
care of us, or we will be afraid.
Fear mobilizes us to run from a perceived threat.
Fear is an emotion and, therefore, is controlled by
how we perceive the threats in our lives.
The ultimate answer for fear is to face it with our
faith in God.
In the book of Daniel, we find three Hebrew slaves facing the fear of their lives. Either Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego must renounce their faith in God by worshipping the golden statue of the king; or they must face being thrown into a furnace of fire. This story deals with the fear of the soul. In our lives, we each face the same quandary. Either we face the fears of our lives that, to us, seem like certain death, or we bow down to the self, become dominated by the flesh and admit that God is not able to save us. This story begins in the first chapter of Daniel.
1. Fear is an emotion of insecurity
that occurs when our security is threatened or when we are not sure that our
basic needs will be met. It is energy to avoid whatever threatens us.
2. Satan uses fear to keep us in
bondage and prevent us from fulfilling what God has called us to do.
He does this by getting us to rely on ourselves and make ourselves our own
god instead of trusting God to meet our needs.
3. Our fear is based on our perception of our world
and ourselves. Satan
4. Because we are so limited in what we can do, we
can never guarantee our own safety in this world or fully meet our needs.
Our attempts to become self-reliant result in even more fear. Those
that set themselves up as their own god and rely on themselves fall into the
trap of fear.
5. The first step in overcoming fear is to not obey
or rely on ourselves and to have faith in God, no matter how difficult or
threatening the circumstances might be.
6. We must not bow down to the self, but face our
fear, trusting in
7. If we face our fears, trusting in faith that God will protect us and meet all our needs, He will be there for us, go through our fears with us, and help us conquer the insecurity in our lives. Every time we overcome fear our faith grows. He has promised that we will never be tempted beyond that which we are able and will always have a way of escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
CHAPTER 19: OVERCOMING SPIRITUAL OPPRESSION THROUGH FAITH
When we are dealing with fear in the spiritual realm, we are usually dealing with the oppression of the devil and the fear of death. Satan does not want us to serve and worship God and will do anything to restrain us. In the world, the devil has two strategies. Either he tries to make us think he does not exist, or he tries to scare us into not obeying God’s will for our lives. The answer again is to face our fears with our faith in God. Daniel had to do just that in Daniel Chapter 6.
Steps to Overcoming Spiritual Oppression
1. Spiritual oppression is an
attempt by Satan to make us live in fear of him and what he can do to us.
2. Spiritual oppression has its
basis in the law because without sin, Satan has no basis for attacking us.
3. We must understand that Satan lost
all his rights and power when Jesus
4. Satan’s strategy is to get us to
believe that we must rely on ourselves to get our needs met. If he
succeeds, we will feel insecure, be afraid of
what he can do, and make ourselves vulnerable to his attack, because we have
become our own God and are responsible for protecting ourselves.
Satan only has power to the degree we believe his lies.
5. The first step in overcoming
spiritual oppression is to maintain our faith in God, no matter what Satan
may threaten to do.
6. We must realize that Jesus has
fulfilled the law for us, that He is in us and we are in Christ, and
that all of our sins have been forgiven. Therefore,
because we are innocent in the sight of God, Satan has no right or power to
harm us.
7. The client must face his fears
of Satan and death, trust in the finished works of Christ and continue to do
the will of God no matter what others may say or do. God will protect
us and meet all our needs, He will be there for us, go through our fears
with us, and help us conquer the insecurity in our lives. Every time
we overcome fear, our faith grows. He has promised that we will never
be tempted beyond that which we are able and will always have a way of
escape. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
1. Healthy or secure attachments
lead to love, and love is the very essence of God. We learn to love
others by experiencing love.
2. Those with insecure attachments
perceive themselves as undeserving or
3. The first step in overcoming
insecure attachment styles is to see
ourselves and others as God does—made in His image, very good, but in the
process of being delivered from sin.
4. We must see ourselves as valuable simply because
God made us in His image and loves us, and we must trust God to make up for
the weaknesses of others. We must never over-rely on other’s
opinions or let them take the place of God in our lives.
5. We must make God our primary attachment figure
since He cannot fail, will not leave us, and is sensitive to all our needs
because He walked on this earth with us as Jesus.
6. We should seek out and attach to secure attachment
figures, as well as God, in order to experience healthy attachments.
7. We are to do what is right in all circumstances
and love others, having their best interest in mind. In order to do
this, we must experience His unconditional love for
us, appreciate all that He has done for us, and know that He has and
will always meet our needs.
CHAPTER 21: OVERCOMING LUST THROUGH FAITH
The word lust means, “a strong craving or desire, or an intense sexual
appetite.” (The New
Webster’s Concise Dictionary of the English Language, 1997, edited by Sidney
Landau) Lust is the
flesh’s counterfeit for love.
It is a strong selfish desire that leads to addiction, takes a man
captive or is the basis for besetting sins.
It is usually associated with sexual sin, which is
an attempt to meet needs for love through the flesh.
Lot’s first-born son, through incest with his eldest
daughter, was Moab. The
Moabites were those who lead the Israelites into fornication.
Therefore, I believe that Moab represents lust.
Love and lust are very different. Love is personal, lust is impersonal. Love is focused on a particular object; lust is unfocused and capable of fixing on almost any object. Love tends toward faithfulness, lust is a wanderer. Love seeks stability, lust is short-lived and mercurial. Love is an affair of the mind and heart, lust is an affair of the emotions and hormones. Love is a matter of giving, lust is a matter of taking. Lust is increased in strength by a lack in other areas. Lust is not the same feeling or drive as love and, therefore, is not satisfied or resolved by married love. Lust depletes our drive, makes married sex less stimulating, and relationships less needed. Lust is like a drug and requires more to meet its need. In lust, evil provides more stimulation because it is really false intimacy. Lust destroys true intimacy. (Smalley, 1988) The model for deliverance from lust is found in the story of Ehud. It begins in Judges Chapter 3.
Steps to Overcoming Lust
1. We must believe and thank God that
He will meet our needs and we must be willing to die to our lust. It
is our enemy.
2. We must realize that God favors us
no matter what we may have done.
3. We must understand that lust meets
only the temporary desires of the flesh and never really satisfies our
deepest needs.
4. We must make the truth of
God a part of our character.
5. Victory is within our
grasp, but we must use our sword (God’s Word) to get the victory.
6.
We cannot defeat lust by trying to
stop it in our own strength.
7.
We must use the Word of God to
attack the seat of the hunger (the belly) by trusting God to meet our
deepest needs.
8.
We must close and lock the door to
lust. Accountability is necessary for long-term victory.
9.
We must escape from our idols of
lust and put as much distance between them and us as possible.
10. We can use the shame of our past as
motivation to completely defeat lust in our life.
For videos on this subject select the link below:
The written information presented above comes from: